Do you still have your period?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
