Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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