note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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