im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
