You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
