3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
