oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
