My friends, they love my intelligence
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
