It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
