i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
