I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
