I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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