I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
