Quick, to the slutcave!
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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