Your tits are I can't wait for
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
