so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
