This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
