So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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