Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
