My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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