true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
