My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
