i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
