i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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