Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
