No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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