never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
