Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
