im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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