i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
