You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
