I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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