i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
