All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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