so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
