He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize