Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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