the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Randomize
