I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
