Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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