I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
