you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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