Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
ok first of all what the fuck
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
