$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
