I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
