I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
