He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
