i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
