I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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