You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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