the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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