Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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