I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
