Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
