She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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