these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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