The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
