don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
