Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
