Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
So. Much. Porn.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize