Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
