I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
