would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
