I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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