Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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