the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize