I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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