ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
